Day 29: What are some of your fears?
This is as personal as it gets, at least for now. I don't think I've ever spoken out loud about the things I'm going to share here, but something tells me a lot of people share some of these too...
1. Death. I know this is inevitable and the only thing that is certain in life. However, I'm terrified at the thought of it. My own, A's, family, our dogs. Losing someone unexpectedly has got to be the most horrible thing that can happen to their loved ones. I can't imagine going through something like this, moreover, recovering from it. And on the other hand, going through someone else's sickness, watching them suffer as they try to fight it? such impotence, I just can't deal. As for me, there are so many things I want to do and experience in life before I go, that dying scares the crap out of me, which leads to my next fear.
2. Time. Not having enough time for things I want to do or enjoy. Not spending enough time with my parents, grandparents, family, friends. Not doing things I can, while I can (travel before having to worry about a car, a house, kids...amongst other things). They say there are times in life for everything, but we get so caught up in the day to day sometimes (working, paying the bills...) that we don't realize how time flies. I see it even more now with the puppies. They are getting so big and gaining weight and developing their own personalities. Where are my tongue sticking out puppies?
3. Not being able to have babies when the time comes. Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. I know times have changed, but by the time my mom was my age, she had two kids and one more on the way. I'm not married, not even enganged. Not that I have to be in order to have babies. However, I don't think the time is right in my life to start pro-creating. I really want to be a mom, and I'm terrified that by the time we decide the time is right for that, it will be hard or dangerous or maybe even impossible. And if I get to have them, back to fear number 2 (not having enough time with them) or fear number 4:
4. The end of the world. How fatalistic, but seriously. I love movies about this topic (Armageddon, Deep Impact, 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, etc), but coincidentally the leading characters always have just the right skill/profession/acquaintance they need in order to be saved/save the planet. That however is not my case. If the world came to an end, neither my architecture degree nor my master would save me from such catastrophes. Every time there was an earthquake (when I was living in Mexico City), small as it may have been, I was terrified. Just the thought of the world ending used to give me panic attacks in a 'waking up sweating in the middle of the night' kind of way. I can't imagine having to witness how humankind ends, whether it is via an asteroid, earthquake, tsunami, alien invasion, zombie apocalypse or mass murder. And so, even if death itself terrifies me as well, I'd rather die before this happens.
I've had these for a long time. Some more than others, obviously. But that's not to say that I have stopped living due to worrying about them. It's just like that quote on the cover image says. You can't stop living. Life's too short to live in fear.
How about you? do you agree with any of this? or is it just me?
*Cover image via here.